Promises Made
by Kyla1
Summary: Kathryn is lost whilst on a planet, back up on Voyager Chakotay is forced to make a promise that could jepordise her life


"Chakotay ****

Promises made

"Chakotay!" Kathryn Janeway struggled to make herself heard over the rising winds, "Chakotay come on," Chakotay forced his way through the snow which was already almost up to his knees. Shivering, Kathryn turned round and checked that all her away team was accounted for, the blizzard had hit them unexpectedly as they were checking the place out and they were all turning into living breathing snow people. Chakotay struggled to her side.

"I take it snow's not your thing!" He shouted, grinning, Kathryn just glared at him and wrapped her arms around herself. Chakotay would be glad when they got back, Kathryn's lips had taken on a tinge of blue and she was shivering uncontrollably despite her various tops, jumpers and coat.

"Janeway to Voyager, we're ready." Kathryn just managed to get the sentence out before sneezing. Chakotay shot her an amused/worried look, she rolled her eyes and prepared to transport up, a cold was all she needed, she thought grumpily as the familiar tingle started. Kathryn cried out as she was suddenly flung to one side, she felt a sensation as if she had been slammed into a concrete wall and her breath flew out of her. She tried to get to her comm. badge but found she couldn't move her arms.

"Warmth!" Chakotay stumbled off the transporter pods, he looked back round at the team, grinning, his smile faded when he realised Kathryn wasn't among them. "Where's Captain Janeway?" He demanded, turning to Tuvok. Tuvok frowned, his fingers flying over the console.

"There appears to have been a problem with the transporter." Tuvok looked back up at Chakotay. "We lost the lock on Captain Janeway."

"Well can you get it back again?" Chakotay asked, concern written all over his face. 

"Negative, the transporters are down." Chakotay tried to hold back the string of swear words that leapt to mind.

"Let's get to Bridge." He stormed out the door, Tuvok close behind.

* * *

"Right people I want Captain Janeway found," Chakotay started issuing orders the second he was on Bridge. "Find her and hail her, Chakotay to Lieutenant Torres," He slapped his comm. badge.

"Torres here."

"We need those transporters up and running as soon as possible."

"I'm on it but it's going to take at least an hour."

"Ok but try and make it quicker, it's your first priority."

"Aye sir, Torres out."

"We've got her sir." Harry Kim got his attention.

"Good, Voyager to Janeway." Chakotay allowed himself to sink into his chair, finally letting the shock and the worry show on his features. 

"Janeway here." Chakotay sighed in relief when he heard Kathryn's voice, she sounded shaken up but she was alive.

"Captain are you alright?"  
"Well I feel like I've been thrown into a concrete wall at warp speed." Chakotay suddenly detected a hint of pain in her voice, his face knotted itself into a frown.

"Are you hurt?"  
"I think so, my leg feels broken and I can see blood, I'm not sure where it's all coming from."

"Ok hang on Captain. Bridge to Medical."

"Medical here."   
"Doctor can you scan Captain Janeway and check for injuries." Chakotay ran a hand past his eyes.

"Captain?"  
"I'm here, it's cold down here Chakotay, what's happened?"

"We lost the transporter lock on you, the transporters are down and it's going to take at least an hour to get them back up."

"Ok……Chakotay?"

"Yes?"

"Tell them to hurry, I'm not sure how long I can stand this cold."

"Yes Captain, Voyager out." Chakotay turned back to Harry Kim. "What is the temperature down there?"

"Zero Degrees and falling sir." Harry's eyes reflected the worry Chakotay felt. 

"Medical to Bridge."

"Go ahead Doctor."

"Well she's got concussion, a broken leg and a couple of broken ribs, there's also some internal bleeding, she's showing some initial signs of mild hypothermia if we're not careful she could go into shock, we need to get her back up here as soon as possible."

"I don't know if soon is an option Doctor, how soon are we talking?"

"In those temperatures she could be dead in half an hour, you need to keep talking to her, keep her conscious."

"Ok Doctor, we'll do that." Chakotay felt his first jolt of fear, he glanced round at the others and found their emotions were all the same, worry, fear.

"Bridge to Torres."

"Torres here, it's still going to be a while."

"We haven't got that kind of time, we need it running as soon as possible, I don't care what you have to do just get those transporters up and contact me as soon as they are."

"Aye sir."

He took a deep breath. "Voyager to Janeway."

"Janeway here." There was more than a hint of pain in Kathryn's voice this time.

"How are you holding up Captain?"

"I'm ok…I think, it's so cold!" Chakotay could hear her teeth chattering above the sound of the whirling winds.

"Ok Captain, it's still going to be a while before the transporters are online. In the meantime you have to stay awake. Is there anywhere nearby you can shelter?"

"No, nowhere, I'm on the top of this big…hill…or something, it's very exposed."

"Well you need to get as warm as possible, preserve all your body heat."

"Anything you say boss." Her attempt at humour only made his heart wrench more, he heard someone inhaling sharply behind him, he turned around and saw Harry visibly struggling with tears. 

"If this is too hard you can leave." Chakotay spoke softly so Kathryn wouldn't hear him, his tone was kind. Harry attempted a smile and shook his head, Chakotay nodded and turned back round. The link was silent apart from the storm and Kathryn's ragged breathing, Chakotay felt tears pricking at the back of his own eyelids.

"Talk to me Kathryn," He didn't even realise he had said her name until it was too late. 

"So what do you want to talk about?" Chakotay thought desperately for minute.

"Anything you like, how about the fact you managed to avoid yet another one of Voyager's parties despite everyone begging you to come? You still haven't explained that."

"I told you I was working!" Kathryn's protest wasn't quite as heated as it would normally be, "Anyway I thought it was a wise move to avoid one of Tom's parties, I've heard the rumours Mr Paris if you're listening." Tom smiled.

"How would you know Captain? You've never turned up, tell you what, when you get back I'll throw one just for you, how about it?" They heard Kathryn chuckle softly.

"Anything, as long as it's warmer than this." She suddenly coughed, the rasping sound echoed round the bridge. "I don't know how much more I can take of this Chakotay, are the transporters ready?"

"Nearly," Chakotay tried to force back the feeling of panic, "If not I'll come down and get you in a shuttle."

"What with your track record?" Kathryn laughed painfully, Chakotay smiled weakly.

"Well someone will, as long as you get back safely." Kathryn didn't say anything, Chakotay stood up without even realising he was doing it. "Kathryn?" He closed his eyes briefly and silently prayed to anyone who was listening.

"I'm here….it's so cold." Kathryn's voice was growing weaker. 

"I know, we're going to get you out of there, you've just got to hold on a bit longer."

"I……I don't want to die like this Chakotay." Her confession finally made the tears that had been at the back of his eyes spill over.

"You're not going to die Kathryn." Chakotay had given up on any idea of staying professional, all he cared about was keeping Kathryn with him. He looked around at the others, Harry had tears spilling freely down his face, Tuvok was staring rigidly forwards and Tom had his face screwed up as if he was in pain. 

"I sure hope so Chakotay, cause I certainly never imagined it would end like this." Her voice sounded thick with emotion, Chakotay sensed she was scared, he had never known Kathryn Janeway to be scared in all the time he'd known her and it just made him more worried. 

"Just hold on Kathryn….please." Chakotay spun round to Tuvok, "Is there any way we can get a shuttle down there?"

"Negative, it is too dangerous," Tuvok stared at him, Chakotay caught a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"Dammit, Bridge to Torres."

"Torres here and no they're not up and running yet."

"B'Elanna this is serious, Captain Janeway is dying, I don't care what you have to do just get them ready."

"Well we could have minimal power in about five to ten minutes but it's going to be very dangerous to send anyone down or bring them up."

"I don't care just do it, Chakotay out." Chakotay could feel beads of sweat gathering on his forehead. "Kathryn?" Nobody answered. "Kathryn!" 

"I….I'm here, it's so cold….so cold." 

"Come on Kathryn, just hold on a little bit longer, the transporters are nearly ready, you'll be back up here barking out orders before you know it."

"Chakotay, I do….not bark." To Chakotay's fevered imagination her voice was growing weaker by the second, the others had sensed it to, Chakotay admired their control in not saying anything.

"Chakotay pro……promise me something."

"What is it," 

"Promise me…..that you'll get Voyager…home." 

"No Kathryn." Chakotay shook his head desperately, "Don't start saying your goodbyes, you're going to get through this."

"Please Chakotay…just promise me." Chakotay felt fresh tears slip down his face.

"I promise." He choked, behind him he heard Harry stifle a sob, Tom slammed the palm of his hand onto the side of his console and put his head in his hands, only Tuvok remained still but in the depths of his soul they could see him grieving. 

"Thank you…..Chakotay." They heard her gasp in pain, the sound seemed to tear their hearts out. 

"Come on Kathryn stay with me." Chakotay was nearly begging.

"I….I can't feel my body."

"Just…try not to think about it, stay with me, keep talking."

"It's so cold…." 

"Kathryn,"

"I never said…."

"Come on Kathryn keep fighting."

"Chakotay I…I never told you….never said…."

"Don't worry about it, come on Kathryn don't leave me,"

"Chakotay….I, I ….lo…" Chakotay closed his eyes as if in pain, tears welled up in them, when he opened them again he found Tom looking at him, his eyes wet with tears.

"Come on say it old man." Tom choked through his tears. "You know and we know you want to." Chakotay glanced around and found they were all looking at him, silently expressing their approval, Chakotay swallowed.

"I…..I love you too Kathryn." He covered his eyes with his hand and found himself unable to hold back the sob that crept out. 

"Commander, I think we're losing her." Harry suddenly looked back up from his console in horror. 

"No Kathryn!" Chakotay's raw emotions were exposed for all to see, He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists to hold back the pain "Come on Kathryn talk to me, stay with me Kathryn you are not going to die!" No-one answered, Chakotay just heard the sound of one raspy breath after another, gradually slowing down. 

"No! Chakotay to transporter room one."

"We have power but it's dangerous, we could lose you as well."

"I don't care, take me down there, that's an order. Energise." Chakotay sighed in relief as the bridge melted away, he found himself standing in the middle of a snow storm. The cold hit him and he gasped.

"Kathryn!" He saw a dark shape in the snow and ran towards it, fighting the whirling snow raging about him, he fell to his knees beside the figure and rolled it over. Kathryn's face, pale, still and tinged with blue rolled towards him, he pulled her to him and gathered her into his arms, trying to repress his sobs. "Chakotay to Voyager, two to come up," He bent his head down and pressed it against Kathryn's forehead, his warm tears fell onto her face. 

"Chakotay there's a problem, we….we lost power, we haven't got enough power to get you back up."

"Shit!" Chakotay's numb fingers fumbled for Kathryn's pulse, trying to find the reassuring beat, he couldn't find it. "No Kathryn! Don't do this to me!" He started pressing down on her chest before opening her mouth and filling her lungs with precious air, he watched as her chest fell before starting again. The seconds ticked by, each one lasting an eternity as he desperately tried to bring his soul-mate back to life. To Chakotay it felt as if a whole lifetime had passed before finally, Kathryn's chest heaved as she sucked in the life giving air. Her eyes flew open and she struggled to focus on Chakotay as her breath became more regular.

"Cha….Chakotay?" She forced the words out of her blue lips, Chakotay could hardly hear her above the sound of the rising winds. 

"Shhh, don't try and talk." Chakotay pulled his jacket off, shivering as the almost unbearable cold hit him. He wrapped it around her carefully, noticing her frost-bitten hands, she was shivering uncontrollably as he wrapped his arms around her. 

"Why did…..you come…ba, back."

"To get you." Chakotay kissed the top of her head, "I couldn't just leave you Kathryn, I love you." As he pulled her ever closer to him he noticed the dark stain of her blood on the snow, her leg stuck out at an awkward angle, he could see the skin of her ankle, it was turning black with frostbite. Chakotay felt tears sliding down his face, Kathryn reached up a shaking hand and wiped them away, Chakotay pressed her icy hand to his lips and kissed her fingers reverently. She smiled weakly.

"Don…don't cry……..my angry warrior." She took a shaky breath.

"Voyager to Chakotay, We have a problem, we can only get one of you back up here, after that there won't be power for up to two hours." Chakotay felt his heart freeze.

"Understood, Chakotay out." Chakotay stared at Kathryn's face in shock she looked back up at him, tears forming in her eyes.

"Kathryn…" He began, she cut him off.

"No, y…you go back." As he tried to protest she shook her head painfully. "Chakotay I'm dying,"

"You won't die if you go back." Chakotay shook his head vehemently, "I won't let you sacrifice yourself."

"I'll die….even if I go…" As much as Chakotay tried to convince himself that it wasn't true, in his heart of hearts he realised she was right, her breathing was slowing and he could hear the rattle that preceded death as she breathed painfully in and out.

"Chakotay…you prom….promised me." Kathryn fought to speak as her body began to give up. 

"Do you think they'll serve under me if I let you die?!" 

"They'll understand." Chakotay could barely hear Kathryn, he had to bend down, his head next to hers as she fought to the end. "If you don't go, we both…" 

"No." Chakotay whispered hoarsely, his tears fell freely down his face onto hers, mingling with her own tears. Kathryn turned her head and, drawing on all her last strength, pressed her lips to his in one, soft, kiss. 

Chakotay locked eyes with her as she struggled to raise one arm and tap her comm. badge.

"Jane…to Voyager." She whispered, eyes never leaving his, "Transport up…Com…Commander Chakotay, that's an order." Her voice died away to almost nothing as she got the sentence out. Chakotay heard the choked 'aye captain,' and looked imploringly at Kathryn through his tear filled eyes. Her strength finally spent, her head dropped back and her breath became more forced. Chakotay laid her back down as her eyes closed.

"Please don't linger Kathryn," His voice cracked, "Just die." Chakotay felt the transporter beam surrounding him.

"I love you!" He closed his eyes as if to block the pain as Kathryn melted away from him forever. 

When he opened them again he was kneeling on the transporter pad, he looked up and met B'Elanna's wet eyes. Without saying a word he stood up and swiftly walked out. 

* * *

Chakotay sat on bridge, alone. It had been three hours since Kathryn had ordered him back to the ship, she had been brought up and hour and a half ago. Her body was lying in the mourning holo-program, Chakotay couldn't bring himself to go to her, couldn't bring himself to face up to his own guilt. He looked over to the empty seat beside him, the seat where he had watched Kathryn so many times. He reached out with one hand and brushed the arm of her chair with his fingers.

"Kathryn," As soon as her name left his lips, tears welled up in his eyes and spilt over. He rested his head in his hands and allowed the bitter sobs to rack his body. In the midst of his grief he heard the door open, he lifted his head and met the gazes of Harry and Tom. 

"We thought you might be here." Tom looked as if he had aged ten years, Harry just stared, as if he didn't trust himself to say anything. Chakotay stood slowly up, he felt like an old man, weary with life. 

"I'm sorry." He closed his eyes as if in pain, "I'm so sorry." 

"Chakotay it wasn't your fault!" Tom burst out, "Chakotay, we heard." Chakotay opened his eyes and lifted his head, the question written on his face. Tom bit back a sob. "We heard everything, Captain Janeway's comm. link was still open, she was right, she would have died if she'd come back or not." Chakotay shook his head.

"No, I should have made her come back, she could have lived."

"I was there when the doctor was checking her injuries." Tom shook his head sadly. "Even if she had of lived she would have lost one if not both of her legs, they were that badly frost-bitten. She wouldn't have wanted to live like that and you know it."

"Chakotay it wasn't your fault." Harry spoke up for the first time, "We know that, everyone does." Chakotay just stared uncomprehendingly at him, Harry smiled weakly, "You had to keep your promise." Chakotay choked as he tried to hold back the tears.

"You've got to let yourself grieve, go and see her and say goodbye." Tom put a friendly hand on Chakotay's shoulder, his own tears slipping down his face. "We know how hard it is on you, you loved her." Chakotay nodded dumbly.

"That's right," He looked at them, the grief he was feeling plain to see. "I loved her, and I always will." His grief overcame him again and his body shook with barely repressed sobs. 

* * *

Chakotay stepped into the eerily quiet room, as he walked in Neelix backed away from the coffin stationed in the middle of the room and gave him a tearful smile before hurrying away. Chakotay barely saw him, his gaze was drawn to the prominent coffin. He walked slowly to it, willing his feet not to drag. After what seemed an age he was finally staring down into the face of his soul mate.

Kathryn was lying with her hands resting on her stomach, her hair had been brushed back and braided into a simple plait. Her face looked peaceful as if the stress had finally been removed. Chakotay reached down and covered her small hand with his own, it felt cold, so…unlike Kathryn. He bowed his head as his guilt, and grief, washed over him.

"Good…." He tried to choke out the sentence, his voice cracking. He couldn't say it, he couldn't say goodbye. He reached out a trembling hand and gently caressed her cold, still face.

* * *

Tom hovered nervously outside, he was worried, much as he had had reservations about Chakotay in the past it wouldn't do any good to Voyager if the new Captain broke down. Tom hated himself for thinking like that so soon after Captain Janeway's death but as Tuvok put it, it was 'only logical'. Tom was still deep in thought when Chakotay burst out of the room, taking him by surprise.

"Chakotay!" His shout was ineffectual as Chakotay went as fast as he could down the corridor without running. 

When Chakotay got to his quarters he collapsed onto the floor and fumbled for his medicine bundle. Breathing deeply he tried desperately to clear his mind and relax his body. 

He was in his forest, his spirit guide was waiting for him, Chakotay approached his guide in relief but as it turned to look at him it suddenly changed, it's features moulding away and becoming completely different. Chakotay watched in horror as his guide took on the guise of a woman, her hair was loose and tumbled down her back, she was wearing a white dress and she had no shoes on her feet.

"Chakotay," Kathryn was reaching her hand towards him, any trace of his guide had completely gone. 

"Kathryn?" Chakotay was confused, he made no movement to touch her hand. "But you're…"

"Dead," Kathryn's pretty features were marred into a frown. "I know, but I think I've been allowed back, just for a short while. To help you let go." 

Chakotay stared into her blue eyes, he saw none of the stress, none of the barriers that were always so present. He just saw love, shining through above everything. Throwing away his inhibitions he reached out and grasped her hand. Almost instantly the forest melted away and he was standing in Captain Janeway's quarters. 

It was dark and messy, he could see none of Kathryn's usual tidiness or neatness. 

"What are we doing here?" 

"To show to you that you made the right decision."

A figure rolled into the room from the bedroom.

"Who is that?" He whispered, Kathryn was standing just behind him, she placed a warm hand on his shoulder.

"That's what the woman you knew as Kathryn Janeway has become." Kathryn studied Chakotay's face, he was fixated on the other Kathryn, struggling in what looked like a design of wheelchair.

"What's happened to her?"

"In this reality you forced Kathryn to come back to Voyager, while you stayed down." Kathryn looked at the scene intently. "She survived yes, but in doing so lost both of her legs."

"Tom said that would happen," Chakotay realised.

"Yes, you died on the planet, with Captain Janeway unable to work Tuvok is Captain of the ship." Chakotay watched as the Kathryn in the wheelchair started trying to pick something off of the floor, frustrated tears rained down her face as she was increasingly unable to reach. In the end, with a frustrated scream, she reached down too far and toppled over onto the floor. Her door slid open and Tom Paris rushed in.

"Kathryn?" Tom went over to her side, Chakotay realised something.  
"He called her Kathryn!"

"Well yes, she's not the Captain anymore, she doesn't have any rank."

Chakotay shook his head silently as Tom Paris helped Kathryn back into her wheelchair. 

"Thank you Tom," The other Kathryn slumped back in her chair and ran a hand passed her eyes. "I'm sorry I must be such a nuisance to you."

"That's all right." Tom sat down in a chair opposite her. "Do you want to talk about it?" Kathryn looked at him sadly, Chakotay could see the grief in her eyes, it's intensity shocked him.

"You know Tom," She sighed and stared out the view port, "Sometimes I hate him for sending me back," She looked back at Tom a ghost of a smile gracing her lips, "I never thought it would be possible to hate one man so much and yet still love him so much." She choked on the last words and Chakotay could see tears welling up in her eyes. "I never know who to hate more, him for sending me back or me for letting myself be sent back and you know, sometimes I actually envy him and I wish I could join him in death rather than be stuck in this thing." Her hands flew down to the armrests of the chair as if she wanted to rip them out. "I'm so…useless and I can't stand it." 

"Hey, shhh." Tom got up and went to her side as the tears spilt over, he wrapped his arms around her small frame as sobs shook her body. "It'll be ok, you'll get through this."

"I hope so Tom." Kathryn buried her face in his turtle neck, "I really hope so." 

"Tuvok to Mr. Paris."

Tom smiled ruefully, "I forgot I was due on bridge, you'll be ok won't you?"

Kathryn smiled bravely, "Yes I'll be fine." Tom turned away and Chakotay saw the worry on his face. The second Tom had gone the Kathryn in the chair let her brave mask slip and suddenly looked like an old and sad woman. 

"Oh Chakotay, why did you have to break your promise?" She breathed, placing a hand on the view port, Chakotay almost automatically walked over to her, up close she looked so sad it took his breath away. He tried to put his hand on her shoulder but found he couldn't touch her.

"Come on Chakotay." His Kathryn came up behind him and took his hand. The room faded away and they were standing back in the forest. Chakotay looked around then back at Kathryn.

"What happens to her, to them?" 

"Kathryn Janeway can't cope and one day gets hold of a phaser and locks herself in her quarters. They find her two hours later, dead. That turns out to be the last straw and during the time afterwards they resent their new Captain's unemotional state and 'logic,' they eventually mutiny and overthrow Tuvok, putting him in brig. Tom of all people is made Captain but he's too inexperienced and Voyager is eventually destroyed in battle." Kathryn's eyes were sad as she shook her head. "Chakotay I don't want Voyager to end up like that." 

"I know," Chakotay sank down to the ground, "I know that." Kathryn came and sat down next to him, she traced his tattoo.

"My angry warrior." She sighed, "I know you didn't want it to end like this, neither did I but we have no choice, even if we could change it I wouldn't change a single decision, a single word of what I said."

"So that's it," Chakotay looked up at her, "I just have to move on, let go."

"Yes," Kathryn took his hand and interlaced her fingers with his.

"I don't know if I can live without you Kathryn, all I can think about are the things I never said, things I never did." Chakotay traced her features as though memorising them. 

"We have tonight my love, just tonight." Kathryn leant forward and caught his lips with hers. 

* * *

Chakotay's eyes fluttered open, he was lying on the floor and his neck was killing him. For an instant he thought it had all been a dream, Kathryn was still alive and in the quarters next to him, then reality hit him and he bowed his head in grief. When it passed last night suddenly came back to him, the way Kathryn had breathed his name and told him to keep his promise. He pondered last night as he packed away his medicine bundle, he'd heard of spirits coming back to help loved ones but it had never happened to him. He remembered Kathryn's last words to him, 'I will see you again Chakotay, one day far off in the future, I promise, but until then please be happy and remember I love you.' It was her funeral today, Chakotay wondered how everyone else was coping. 

* * *

"Com….Captain on bridge." Harry called out cautiously, Chakotay sent him a kindly look. Tom looked round questioningly at him. Chakotay stood still for a moment before gently lowering himself into the Captains chair.

"Maintain course for Earth Mr Paris." He met Tom's gaze and nodded slightly, Tom nodded back in understanding before turning back round to his console. 

As they sped away from their Captain's final resting place in her favourite place, space. Chakotay closed his eyes briefly and sent out a thought.

__

'I'm keeping my promise Kathryn, and I'll see you again, I know I will my love.' 

finis 

__

~*~

__

Chakotay looked out of the window at the sunshine and blue skies of Earth once more before closing his eyes. Even as his body gave up and his soul started to rise his mind still clung on to thoughts of promises made and promises kept all those years ago. As he took his final breath his mind finally let go.

"Chakotay?" He was standing in his forest again, when he looked at his hands they looked young and unlike the gnarled wrinkled things he had been looking at for so long. A hand caught his even as he looked at it and their fingers intertwined.

"I told you I would wait." Chakotay raised his eyes and looked into the face of his soul mate. She smiled and ran her fingers over his face, now young again, she pressed her palms against his cheeks and planted a soft kiss on his lips. Then she took both her hands in his and led him through the forest into paradise. 


End file.
